3 Ways My Music Interest and Discovery Has Changed

If you asked me to centrifuge my memories from the music I listen(ed) to, I'd be pretty hard pressed to show you any results of separation. At this point they are made of the same stuff. Through some wild mutation they are intertwined forever. Perhaps it happened instantly as both occurred together or maybe our brains are a curated library, and mine said, 'We're filing these together'. 

Whatever the science or art, much of our past and how we remember it is staccatoed by sound. And much of this is amplified by how much you personally listen to music, use music to cope, or just your attention to the auditory world in general. I delve in all three, after all I'm the Jukebox Junkie (sorry I couldn't miss out on the cheesy rhyme).

So, that's the past and music, what about the future and music? You might be a radio only music person. You may not have the time to prioritize music listening. You may just not care that much about it. You might be an artist yourself. You might like what you like, but could leave the rest. You might LOVE music. You might be crazy (that's where I fall :)). But likely, whatever label you identify with you've probably seen changes in what you listen to or what you like. Well, if you like to nerd out and analyze these things, this post is for you. I started realizing a lot about my musical tastes and discovery tactics that had changed, and I found three themes in them that I was interested in unpacking. Let's dig in!

1.  Appreciation for Instrumentation.

I remember a conversation I had in high school where I genuinely said in the instruments vs. lyrics conversation that I had little to NO concern for instrumentation in a song (obviously don't remember my exact wording). Art is subjective, but I apologize to myself and so many brilliant musicians for that past opinion. I was and am so wrapped up in words and how honest and straightforward they allow us to be. But I think my affinity for lyrics, cut me off from appreciating the world of instruments. 

I played violin for 2.5 years in 5th, 6th, and a bit of 7th grade. I was absolutely TERRIBLE at it, and yes I did practice. Not a lot, but enough to be decent, and darling it didn't happen for me. We had to do orchestra or band at the school I was going to, and I had a friend who was AMAZING like level one thousand at the violin so I thought I'll try that. The orchestra teacher also lured us in in fourth grade by presenting about strings and playing the Star Wars theme on the violin. So, needless to say my reasons for beginning were way over my head, but I was and still am a DREAMER. 

I think this relationship and when I quit was really heartbreaking for me even though at the time I don't remember taking much stock in it. But I think as this kid who already had a deep connection with music and singing (I was in choir throughout school) I expected that me and this angel-stringed instrument would naturally bond together. But we fought each other instead and it wasn't an extension of my arm, and I learned that it was no easy task to play an instrument well. So, maybe it was this severed chord that led me to say such an outlandish thing years later, or maybe I was just a girl that loved words too much.

It was like the first warm spring breeze - those first days when I began to hear the instruments speak. They had much to say. I was sorry for silencing them so long with my prejudice. The things they would say to me, mhm. Let's just say I finally understood, "Killing Me Softly With His Song". 

A guitar can tell you something in every language. Be it fuzz, distortion, overdrive - all the many colors - no translator is needed. And that's just ONE instrument. I'm not even going to try talking about multiple instruments together or a symphony. But I'm so grateful that my interest in music has evolved to appreciate and LOVE instrumentation. It adds layers and dimension that I had never looked for, truly. 

My husband plays the guitar and has been so kind to explain all the things I ask about (which he secretly loves because he loves guitar). The more I hear him play and the more I learn about music history, pedals, and his favorite bands from the 1990s, the more I feel like I'm making an old friend with an innate part of music. There's an entire world that's been opening up. 

I think if I had that conversation again I'd say I've actually fallen in love with instruments equally to lyrics, and that coming out my mouth is astonishing. 

2. Personal Loss

I've said it in posts previously, but my mom was and is a big influence into my music listening. She felt very passionately about music, and I am thankful for all the ways I carry that with me. Music always helped me through hard times. It is my filter. It helps me make sense of and process things my quick, insensitive mind blows through without so much as acknowledgement. It allows me to stop and feel. And for that, I am beyond grateful.

When I lost my mom, music was integral to my grief. It motivated me, reminded me I wasn't alone, and told me it was okay that I felt like a different person now (even one I might not like as much). As time passed, it felt like the only place where my mom still lived. I hear songs that have nothing to do with her or sadness and tears will fall because I hear some element of her spirit in the brightness of the notes. I don't know if God did that to answer some prayer for me or if it's just something the mind does, but she is written underneath the lyrics of songs she never was before.

Most of all, loss took off my tunnel vision of what I'd listen to. Suddenly, anger in music - the shouting and gritty guitars had my attention. I heard in them so much more than noise or angst: I heard the reverberation of heartache. So much that I previously misunderstood made sense. I now would rather dance to rock or metal than pop or acoustic. What I previously disliked, this unresolved tension, now made sense.

 As much as I wanted to outgrow or package up my grief into being something controllable and solely productive, I can't. It's this ever changing, wily, shape shifter that floats around inside of me with everything else. But even in it's grey, forlorn I sometimes hear it cheering for me saying, "You're growing, love, and that's something." Or on a bad day it quietly nudges my arm and tells me I should listen to loud stuff or yell the whole song on the way home from work. Loss taught me that music can be for letting go. And yes, Avril also taught me that in 2002. 

3. Listening Format 

I'll keep this one short because this is turning into an essay. If you've ever been so kind and generous to lend your ear to me gabbing about music, then you know this is a topic I love to get lost in: the way how we listen changes. As a 90s baby, I have the distinct honor of using many listening formats in my time. From being born into tapes and CDs, to the iPod, to the resurgence of vinyl, to streaming on your phone, and all the stops along the way - we are wildly blessed by how many ways we get to hear something. 

I am a Spotify GAL. I should be an unofficial spokesperson for them because I talk this thing up, and I use it more than anything in my regular life (maybe it rivals my water cups, yes plural I'm the little girl in signs or my car). I could go on forever about how streaming has changed my interest and AMPLIFIED my music discovery, but you didn't sign up for a dissertation. It's also not all good. I'm a HUGE advocate for complete works of art - ALBUMS not singles, and there's a massive compensation gap for artists because of streaming. But that's for another day. 

Mainly, the endless catalogue we can pick from, the variety, and the ability to screen music are some of the biggest things we reap from using a music streaming service. While I may not buy someone's CD and I'd previously miss out on their music, now I can screen it and listen to their whole discography and become a fan. Spotify is AMAZING at personalization and has an entire tab dedicated to your discovery. So not only am I now open to finding all these people, Spotify uses data to curate things according to my personal music tastes!! This has changed the game at large for years and has really been a cool thing for me personally as well. 

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WHEW. You are so kind if you went through this. I hope that it gets you thinking about ways you've evolved, whether it has to do with how or what music you listen to or just with life in general. Change can be this painful, intrusive thing, but it also can be so beautiful and turn you into a child over again because you are seeing things new for the first time.

 I'm really glad I sat down at the page today. It's been a bit. Thank you for letting me be here. I hope if you feel a stir to start again, anew, over - that you do. Something new might bloom, and as it's growing it might push something lovely that you loved out of the way, but then when everything settles you might just find out there was space for two things to bloom.

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Much love and happy listening, babes!