With or Without

I've had writer's block for 2 years.

It's taken a while to be able to write that or think it without shame. How are you blocked from what you love most to do? How do you let it get to the point that you can't find a point? 

You see, I don't have writer's block for lack of love for my words. I have it because in a moment of growth, I cared too deeply for words. I was terrified to fail them or be without them. I thought I was nothing without my pen. That's why I am blocked. Because I believed all I had to offer was words, and they had to be the best. 

I believed they defined me. 

In giving them too much power, they lost their power.
An old story I'd been told but failed to heed. 

I wish I could write from the winning corner.
I would love to say I'd overcome it and words were like water, spilling over from my heart and head. They aren't.

But I've learned something far more beautiful in the refinement I find myself in.
Struggling for your craft wrinkles the edges of your heart.
It is painful at first, frustrating to not be able to do what you did so effortlessly before, but later you find it was never about any of that.
The edges of your heart wrinkled to reveal a layer beneath, of gold.

That's why we write on and fight on and carry on.
Underneath something is brewing,
something is hidden for the eyes that cannot see but search still.

I  am not just thoughtful observations scrawled across a page.
I am the Lord's.
He gave me these words with or without a block.

Time to right.