Learning to sing again
It's the 8th month of this year, so when I looked at my resolution sheet for 2016 I felt the pressure of progress. Sure, I haven't picked up Spanish the way I aimed to or become a morning person. Though I feel that those aren't things that can be done in a year - I've always been a dreamer.
But there's something on my list I started doing.
I've begun to sing again.
I wish I could accurately tell you what that's like. I can't. But mostly, it's like hot tea for a sore throat. It's the last catharsis in weeks of nightly tears after the loss of someone you'll never get back. It's the first fall day that reminds you the air, and the world will no longer feel so heavy on your shoulders. It's like the most beautiful person you ever seen introducing you to their friend who has the most beautiful soul you'll ever meet and that's the one you get to keep. It's a friend finding a light heart instead of holding a grudge towards you.
It's a release so genuine that to wrap words around it only cheapens the glow. It's a live sound, in the moment, being present - no photo kind of thing.
I sang in choir for 9 years. Nine years of following rhythms and notes. Nine years of trying to harmonize on my own, but never prevailing. Nine years of listening and duplicating what I heard. Nine years of being an auditory heartbeat. Nine years of conveying things I wasn't even sure how to feel.
Then with higher education, I lost my confidence in song. I tried to find choirs but none of them fit the same way. None made allowances for lack - none joined, breathed, so effortlessly together as the one I'd known for 5 years. Education was enough to distract me. Yet, not enough to make me forget.
As a 12 year-old, I was going to be a soloist. I was going to shine and change people's minds and make everyone sit in awe. I was ambitious, and I didn't understand.
I didn't understand that the power of song is the collective. I didn't know that my voice and skills weren't strong enough. I didn't know I needed support to make it over the bridge. I didn't know how to wrap myself in harmonies. I sought myself so much, my own vision and what I could offer. When a song has always been about anything but me.
Yes, I have actually started singing again. No not in a choir, mostly in my car on the way to work with Five Seconds of Summer. But the true singing is understanding, I need other people to sound good. I don't know about melodies, but people in this world do and they can help me.
I am learning to listen to the voices around me. I am learning new songs that reflect cultures and ideas different than mine. I am learning to blend with the beautiful notes I find myself in the midst of.
With all the thankfulness I can muster, I am learning to sing again.
Hard times help me see
I'm a good man with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
But I finally learned to let it go
Now I'm right here, and I'm right now
"Shadow Days," by John Mayer
But there's something on my list I started doing.
I've begun to sing again.
I wish I could accurately tell you what that's like. I can't. But mostly, it's like hot tea for a sore throat. It's the last catharsis in weeks of nightly tears after the loss of someone you'll never get back. It's the first fall day that reminds you the air, and the world will no longer feel so heavy on your shoulders. It's like the most beautiful person you ever seen introducing you to their friend who has the most beautiful soul you'll ever meet and that's the one you get to keep. It's a friend finding a light heart instead of holding a grudge towards you.
It's a release so genuine that to wrap words around it only cheapens the glow. It's a live sound, in the moment, being present - no photo kind of thing.
I sang in choir for 9 years. Nine years of following rhythms and notes. Nine years of trying to harmonize on my own, but never prevailing. Nine years of listening and duplicating what I heard. Nine years of being an auditory heartbeat. Nine years of conveying things I wasn't even sure how to feel.
Then with higher education, I lost my confidence in song. I tried to find choirs but none of them fit the same way. None made allowances for lack - none joined, breathed, so effortlessly together as the one I'd known for 5 years. Education was enough to distract me. Yet, not enough to make me forget.
As a 12 year-old, I was going to be a soloist. I was going to shine and change people's minds and make everyone sit in awe. I was ambitious, and I didn't understand.
I didn't understand that the power of song is the collective. I didn't know that my voice and skills weren't strong enough. I didn't know I needed support to make it over the bridge. I didn't know how to wrap myself in harmonies. I sought myself so much, my own vision and what I could offer. When a song has always been about anything but me.
Yes, I have actually started singing again. No not in a choir, mostly in my car on the way to work with Five Seconds of Summer. But the true singing is understanding, I need other people to sound good. I don't know about melodies, but people in this world do and they can help me.
I am learning to listen to the voices around me. I am learning new songs that reflect cultures and ideas different than mine. I am learning to blend with the beautiful notes I find myself in the midst of.
With all the thankfulness I can muster, I am learning to sing again.
Hard times help me see
I'm a good man with a good heart
Had a tough time, got a rough start
But I finally learned to let it go
Now I'm right here, and I'm right now
"Shadow Days," by John Mayer
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