Asylum

upfront and uncut.

I am an anxious person. I have fought the fact for years, but it's real. I am the person who cannot talk or think because the TV is on and will leave the room to turn it off and focus. The moment I enter a grocery store I feel a sense of urgency. Crowded places deter me from being present and connected with my thoughts. I feel chaos when I enter a messy kitchen. I cannot fully relax - even when I am home, unless I have on a hoodie. The list goes on and on.

Tonight, all these feelings were heightened. I tried to find a quiet place in my mind - but I felt no peace. I got in the car turned it to track six and put the volume as loud as I could stand it. I instantly felt my mind relax, the tension in my neck resisted -- as I listened to the calming pulse of someone else's reality.

Music talks me down from feeling overwhelmed. It hugs up my heart and squeezes so tight - I can't be uptight anymore. I am no longer in my head obsessing about something I can't control - I am here, awake and pensive. 

Music allows for this transfer of rage and uncertainty and to collide into a simple verse that coats the air around it with hope. The stress, sadness, and confusion that are unpacked and repackaged when you listen to a song creates a 360 unlike any other. The weightlessness I feel after a bridge, the pause in the chorus -they take everything that pushes me down. They sweetly envelop the harsh reality and help me to find joy inside it.

I am so thankful for the gift of music. It's a tangible expression of Christ's peace. The same way it sweeps over me - His grace does that. For those moments in life when you are clenching your fists, fighting for control, and you'd do anything for a moment of release: He is the release from everything the world will sell you. 

When chaos ensues, His peace comes like a song in the car.

And you realize everything you've been serving has only made you hungry for control.

Finally letting that tension go...

Incomparable.